Alice hates Cracker Barrel

Oh my freaking goodness.

On Friday our little family rushed to the DFW area for Bob's funeral. Around 8pm I needed to nurse and change Alice. In the interest of expediency we pulled over in Waco at a Texas Roadhouse parking lot. Aside from curious Friday night teenagers looking into the car window at the baby it was a reasonably swift process and we were back on the road in 20 minuets.

On the way home to Austin on Sunday Tony and I were weary from a sad weekend and decided there was no need to rush home. We needed, nay deserved the treat of taking Alice to a restaurant for a relaxing lunch. We even chose a place with plenty of comfort (fried) food rather than a fast food joint. Thus we arrived at the Cracker Barrel with a sweetly sleeping baby nestled in her carseat.

After we were seated in a relativly secluded spot ,so that I could nurse discretely, our waiter (who had a crazy shiny grill) brought our much needed sweet tea.
* Side note: At the wake my Dad's brother gave his daughter a glass of sweet tea. She asked what was in the glass. My Uncle said "Diabetes in a cup, Enjoy!"
Lovely Alice started to stir in her carseat and I suggested that I take her to the ladies room for a change before we all ate. So off we go. Me, my organized Mommy diaper bag, and my sleepy baby who is nuzzling my neck. We enter the ladies room, and ladies...let me just say...ya'll need to see a doctor because that was a baleful stink. Alice's precious baby nose also detects the yuck and she starts to sqirm and fuss. Not only that it is loud and women are shouting "Candy! You in there?!"

At this point in my story the blame for an unpleasing ladies room ambiance shifts swiftly from the general public and lands squarely on my kid. First of all her diaper is very full. Second the onsie is seriously stained. Thirdly the changing station is an extension of the sink with a guardrail. I place Alice on the station with a plastic changing pad under her whole body. Alice finds this highly offensive and kicks herself OFF the pad and smacks her little head into the wall of the bathroom. Now she is screaming and has TOUCHED the surface of the poo station.

Alice is two months old these days so I have a bit of screamy diaper experience. Do I panic? No I do not. I swiftly put her back on the pad and hold her firmly in place. Change the diaper, clean her butt, pull off the onsie, toss it in the trash, pull her into my arms, place pacifier in mouth. Presto Chango, we have a mollified baby.

Now I think to myself that all she needs is a few moments of Mommy comforting and we can proceed to putting on her back-up onsie. As I think this a woman taps me on the back and as I turn she asks Alice, "What did Mommy do to you pumpkin? Did she hurt your feelings?" When I turned around Alice opened her mouth (presumably to reply) and her binkiy drops to the filthy floor of the Cracker frickin' Barrel bathroom. The wails tripled in volume and ferocity. I could have slapped the face clean off that woman.

I did what Miss Manners suggests when you want someone to die horribly, I turned pointedly away back to my business and ignored the lady. Much to Alice's horror I stuffed her into another onsie and put a reserve binky into her mouth. The floor binky was tossed in the trash and we packed up our gear. As I took Alice outside an older woman with a walker said to me "Is she ok? That was horrible." I wasn't mad at the woman. It was horrible.

Tony must have seen the look on my face when we came back to the table. He was super helpful and talked in very soft tones while I struggled to put ALice under my shirt for her meal. By the look on his face the people of Waco are going to think I beat him regularly for talking sass.

Anyway...the meal continues and beloved husband (who I have yet to beat) takes the slowly relaxing baby so I can eat. He even encourages her to "smile at Mommy, she deserves a smile!". I take Alice in turn so Tony can eat and set her on my leg so she can practice looking around the room. This, as it turns out, was a terrible mistake. Suddenly Tony grabs a ton of paper napkins off the table and dives for the growing poo-puddle spreading under my leg.