Friday, March 28, 2008

New Comic

I made this comic into a poster for my Mother's office on her last birthday after she emerged victorious from a long legal battle.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

How to Embarrass a CVS employee

Tonight after shopping at our local CVS we proceeded to the check out line and turned our items over to the lady at the register (whom I will refer to as "LATR" in the following conversation).

Me/Tony: Hello.

LATR: How are ya'll this evening?

Me/Tony: Fine thanks.

LATR: So, Wnn u r Tu?

Me: (confused squint) Pardon?

LATR: Ummm....

Me: I'm sorry? I don't think I understood you correctly.

LATR: (terrified silence)

Tony: June 17th! She's due June 17th.

LATR: Oh, thank God!

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

This Venn Diagram is named: "Price Check"

Today Tony got up at 5:30am for an out of town meeting only to have the person who called the meeting cancel on him at the last minute. So while waiting for his return trip beloved husband stopped in a bookstore and picked up Jessica Hagy's book. Her charts are so very very true. Check out her 2007 Webby Award honored blog by clicking on the picture above.

Oh Baby.

Offspring Story #1:

Around 3am-ish I had one of those very realistic dreams. My daughter was already born and I was trying to figure out nursing my first day home from the hospital. Suddenly she started urinating mid-feeding. I'm not talking minor piddle...I'm talking Niagara Falls. At first I reasoned that a little urine doesn't hurt anybody, but after a while I had to run to the bathroom holding the baby out ahead of me trailing a river of pee in my wake. I sort of held the baby aloft over our toilet waiting for an eventual end to the deluge when my cell phone rang. Happily my cell was on the bathroom floor (see the realism) and I was able to answer it with my foot. It was my Mom asking if I got her latest package of baby clothes.

I shrieked, "Mom! How do I stop the baby from peeing?"

But alas, Mom couldn't hear me and when the baby started wailing she excused herself from the phone call under the assumption that this wasn't a good time to chat. As the cell phone's dial tone hummed in the distance (uncanny realism) I clutched my stinky-drenched-angry baby to my chest and went, " WHYYYYYYYY???".

Offspring Story #2

The kid is moving around quite a bit these days. Yesterday afternoon I was idling at a stoplight when I felt a tiny nudge under my bellybutton. I gave my bellybutton a little counterclockwise rub with my fingertip to say hello. Shockingly I felt the baby mimic the same swirly gesture under my skin. I must admit I got a little misty-eyed at the rudimentary communication. Always wanting more I gave her another rub (this time clockwise). She was still for a few moments. Then she punched me in the gut.

My Daughter's Heirloom Closet of Wonder:

What you are looking at is the first wave of baby clothes worn by myself, my sister, my grandmother, and so on back through the annals of time. My Mom washed each garment seven times and even ironed them before shipping them to us via my little sister. It boggles my mind that these little dresses don't have any stains on them after so many babies. I fear that I might break that Martha Stewart-y trend.

These particular little shifts are made for Southern Babies who get hot under heavy cotton but sweaty without a shirt. The buttons are super teeny tiny (safe to swallow) and they fasten at the shoulder for easy changing. They are hand made and super soft. The only concern is how long the kid will fit into the dresses considering our family proclivity for big babies.

Monday, March 24, 2008

I'm back online!!

To celebrate here are some puppies:

These dogs are in my backyard as a result of an interesting feature of our new house. We have about a 1/4 acre wooded flood easement behind our yard. It technically belongs to us, but the city controls the way we use the space. Basically they want rainwater to pool in that area rather than flooding out the neighborhood. When it isn't raining the area is full of furry little animals. Hawks, frogs, owls, bunnies, and a crapload of squirrels. My Mom calls it the "10 acre wood" as a nod to Winnie the Pooh. I call it the 10-Wood as a nod to brevity.

One of the things we are required to do is have a small clearance under our fence so that water can rush out of our yard and into the 10-Wood. Thusly, on a rainy day (like the one pictured above) I can sip a hot chocolate and gaze out my back door as multiple neighborhood dogs wriggle their way under our fence. These two suckers (see above) ambled over to me and immediately started begging to be let inside. No dice.

My next door neighbor is an excellent fellow. He is retired and creates large metal sculptures as a hobby. Mostly with a southwest theme. He sodders cow horns and giant Texas Stars onto things like houses and Cadillacs. In fact he has a bucket of longhorns outside his garage. Our buddy Joe recently visited our house and he wanted to ask our neighbor if it was possible to stick a pair of longhorns on a flat-screen TV. Answer: Maybe.

This metalworking neighbor in addition to his many fine qualities (like loaning us his dolly when ours broke during the move) raises King Charles Spaniels. He has two lovely adult dogs and two sweet tiny puppies with long floppy ears. The puppies like to chase me. I must seem like mighty big game for such tiny hunters.
Usually they chase me into the house via the front door. Failing to bring down my elephantine self they slip under my fence, race to the back door, and bark like crazy. The best part is that they aren't big enough to actually jump onto my porch. So they just fling themselves at the deck and only make it halfway. The result is a row of puppies clinging desperately for purchase only to slide (inevitably) back down to the ground with little grunts of frustration.

My sister couldn't help herself and had to go snuggle them last time she came to visit which only encourages the little scamps.
I really enjoy their company, but I live in fear of backing over one (or both) of them with my car.

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Happy Birthday Jesse!!

This is the fuzzy documentation of the first trash day at our new house. It was raining like crazy and my wonderful sister took the can out to the curb so my pregnant ass wouldn't have to.

This is one small representation of the boundless wonderfulness that is crammed into my beloved sister. Today is the birthday of both my sister and my lovely Mother (who was born on Good Friday) and I wish them both a Happy Day.

Friday, March 21, 2008

No Bras in Space

While in San Francisco my Dad bought us front row tickets to Carrie Fisher's fantastic one woman show "Wishful Drinking". Check out the link above.

My Dad specifically didn't sit in the front row for fear that Ms. Fisher would call him up onstage. As it happened his fears were totally warranted since she grabbed a guy of about his height and build directly to our right. This fella was asked to don a Princess Leia Wig© and hump a lifesize Princess Leia Sex Doll©. Then Ms. Fisher took the fella down to the matt in a flurry of kisses.

My favorite part was when she displayed the Hollywood Incest Family Tree and explained how her daughter was actually related to her latest boyfriend via adultery / scandalous adoptions.

The lady next to us said that Debbie Reynolds and Eddie Fisher actually attended the previous night's show, and sat as far apart as the width of the auditorium would allow!

Here is my favorite quote from the show (an oldie but a goodie):

"Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die."

In other news I must apologize for the lack of posts these days. Tony and I asked AT&T to switch over our phone and DSL line last week and only the phone line made it. So we must wait until next week to have internet access. I am at an internet cafe at the moment getting progressively more uncomfortable in my chair. I am right around the third trimester where everything is vaguely uncomfortable except eating (minus the acid reflux). Oh and baby kicks. Those are too neat to be annoying.

Soon my friends I will be back to posting at a regular clip and you can enjoy the minutia of my...OH LOOK! There's a puppy outside!! Hello Puppy! I love your puppy face so much. Yes I do.

I'm a little hormonal today.

Saturday, March 8, 2008

Tony's first visit to the Pacific Ocean.

Check him out as he gazes on the majesty of the tides.
A second later he spies a stalk of seaweed on the rocks and goes, "Eww! Why is nature so creepy?"

This is Tony playing his first round of the "Trying not to get my toes wet" Game.

This is the baby's first visit to the Pacific Ocean, do you think she will remember it?

Tony and I are planning to hang these pictures in her room so she can see our final vacation as as non-parents and know that we are still happy as clams, even if we can't jet off to San Francisco at a moment's notice.

Thursday, March 6, 2008

100th post...also WE BOUGHT A HOUSE!!!!

This is where we are obligated to live for the next 30 years (give or take).
Today at 3pm we signed about a billion documents repeatedly testifying to that fact. We are homeowners Yay!!!

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

San Francisco is very amusing.

Friday in San Fran:

We passed this alien riding a hamburger near Mission on our way out of the city. We checked out of our hotel and drove to San Anselmo which, to quote my Dad, is a town "so cute you want to pinch it's bottom". We checked into a Bed and Breakfast that was full of wacky kitsch like this Chicken Lamp:

The zaniness continued when we scampered up to Mill Valley for fancy deserts and coffee at a trendy Italian restaurant before a special comedy show staring Dick Gregory and Mort Sahl

These guys were great. Between the two of them they seem to know at least one embarrassing story about everyone who has been a part of US modern history. As an example Dick Gregory talked about the day that Bob Hope died at 104 years old. Mr. Gregory was awoken at 3am with a call from Entertainment Tonight asking for his comment. His comment?

"I thought he was already dead."

Then he said, "Don't print that. Let me say this instead..."
"The family of Bob Hope should go up to Chicago and shake Jesse Jackson's hand. Because for the past few decades Jesse has been encouraging mobs of people to scream, 'KEEP HOPE ALIVE!' and clearly it had been working."

Mort Sahl was not only clever and informative (he related some very funny John Kennedy stories) he also had just suffered a stroke two weeks ago that left him blind in one eye. Not that you would notice if he hadn't mentioned it. Tony maintained his unblemished record of excellent Q&A participation by asking Mr. Sahl a question about retroactive immunity for telecom companies that helped spy on Americans. The audience went "Oooooo!" for so long that we couldn't hear Mr. Sahl's answer.

To be honest the audience at this show was just a tiny bit self satisfied. They kept applauding, not at the jokes but at political points that they wanted to claim as their own. Also the dude behind me had his knee wedged into my back for most of the show. Since I am pregnant and my back always aches I used the situation to sneak in a covert massage.

Dick Gregory at one point told the crowd he was shocked by the number of pampered dogs he saw on the sidewalks of Mill Valley sporting wool sweaters. Mr. Gregory accused the crowd of mostly former hippies turned yuppies that they would probably do nothing to stop the war even if the draft were re-instated. Unless of course the draft included their dogs.

Everybody laughed.

I am a Drooly Comic Fan

Here's something that doesn't happen to me everyday. Last night I was praying for an email from our lending company notifying us that we could finally schedule a closing date (still hoping for Thursday). Sadly my inbox was completely bereft of closing related missives. However, on the flip side I had a comment on my blog from none other that Julia "Frickin" Wertz!

See two posts down for my shameless fan-wanking and her lovely response.

(The illustration above is the work of Jeffery Brown.)

This is not the first time I have had friendly communication with comic folk I admire. Back in my Chicago days I had occasion to run into Jeffery Brown fairly often. He works (on his comics) at a neighborhood coffee shop near the former apartments of both my sister and brother-in-law. At the time I refrained from speaking to the man, because who likes dealing with strangers when you are trying to enjoy a frothy cappuccino?

The first time Tony and I spoke to Mr. Brown was at our first Comic Con. I was in a tizzy because I had just burst a blood vessel in my right eye due to stress. I was lamely promoting my own stuff and I have a horrible pants-wetting fear of self promotion. Hence the gory eyeball.
Anywhoodle, I met the man while he was signing books at the Top Shelf booth. From the look on his face he had clearly heard the same comments all damn day long. Truly he looked like he might kill for a nap. He was very polite and drew us a nice sketch.

The next time we saw him was at a quieter signing in Evanston IL at The Comix Revolution. Mr. Brown was kind enough to show us the new book he was working on "Cat Getting Out of a Bag". We bought his book "Every Girl is the End of the World for Me." for my sister-in-law Becky. We mentioned that she is single and he drew a picture of himself having his broken heart pulled out of his chest by a pretty girl (like Becky).

My craziest fan feelings are directed at the work of Alison Bechdel who wrote the highly acclaimed "Fun Home" and the great series "Dykes to Watch out For". She is a real master of the genre. She's been following the ongoing political drama of our country for decades through the eyes of regular folks just living their lives.
Tony and I went to a reading and signing of her memoir "Fun Home" at Women & Children First last summer.

You know that crippling self-promotional fear I mentioned earlier? I also suffer from bowel dissolving "meeting people I admire" anxiety. Beloved Husband however is the exact opposite. He asks intelligent questions of admirable people at every opportunity life presents to him. Tony once attended a lecture by Stanley Fish and was horrified that no one asked any questions, thus he vowed always to make the effort to fully participate in Q&A. This is one of the things I love about my guy.

So here are two versions of meeting Allison Bechdel:

Tony walks up to Ms. Bechdel and says "Your comics helped me realize that I am a liberal even though I respect and admire my friends and family who are largely conservative." She responded that his comment was more touching than folks who tell her that her comics helped them come out!

I am looking for the bathroom and run smack into Ms. Bechdel. We do the back and forth silent "Excuse me, no excuse ME" dance for a while. Finally I stop moving and look down at my shoes in shame until she passes.

Don't judge me. I have problems.

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Strike Woes

San Fran, Day two

Thursday in San Francisco:

My Dad and I rumbled around downtown and visited both the Cartoon Art Museum and this great DIY comic/zine/craft store called Needles & Pens.

The blonde lady smoking outside the store was the one who checked me out after I bought a little early birthday present for beloved husband. While we tooled around the shop I introduced my dad to both Jeffrey Brown and the fantastic Fart Party!

Julia Wertz (the fart party was birthed from her brain meats) is a great web comic creator and her guide to San Francisco The Cranky Clam was a big help in planning our vacation stops. I love her comics and I will be adding her to my links so that you can love them too.

Here is my latest favorite: Bicycle Delivery Perils

After that we hung out at Dolores Park and drank smoothies from the Dolores Park Coffee Shop. My Dad is a songwriter/performer and he had a gig at that coffee shop a few weeks ago. The park was full of crazy folks and pseudo crazy folks.

The folks in this shot were passing around a kazoo like it was a joint. One person would give it an obnoxious squeak and then the whole group would break up laughing. Good times.

I don't know what the building in the back of the picture is supposed to be but it had an interesting tower, which you can see right here:

Monday, March 3, 2008


If anyone has been wondering where I have been the past few days the answer is this: San Francisco!

We were in San Francisco so that Tony could attend a conference at the Fairmount and I could visit my dad and his partner Jill. Man, believe me when I tell you, the Fairmont is one crazy fancy hotel:

Here is an example of the general super fancy-ness of the Fairmount:

Every blessed thing is gilded "Trump-style".

One other interesting feature of the Fairmont is that it is located at the very tippy-top of one of the steepest streets in the city. There is no affordable food or drink to be found at the top of the hill so a thrifty person (such as myself) must brave a 75 degree incline all the way down to Chinatown. After a long travel day on Wednesday Tony and I were just hungry enough to think that it was worth rolling down a hill for the promise of eggrolls. Happily we were able to inch our way down the almost vertical street without incident. The food we found at the bottom was slightly crappy but who cares at 10pm?

Even more impressive was our mighty assent back up the hill after being stuffed full of said eggrolls.
Tony said I was a real tiger for making that climb while so very very pregnant.
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