Sunday, February 26, 2012
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Literary Trauma
My fourth favorite thing about being a parent? Visiting the library. I feel almost criminal lugging a half ton of books out to my car twice a week. Alice and I have established a tradition wherein we immediately camp out on the large "reading rock" behind the library. We sun ourselves like lizards and peruse the latest adventures of Cowgirl Kate and her pony Coco.
However, as in all good things, the library is rife with potential disaster. Did you know that Babar, King of the Elephants had a run-in with cannibals on his honeymoon? Yes indeed, try explaining cannibals to a creature that doesn't understand the concept of death. We are still trying to ease her into the news that the "Chicken" she is eating and the bird she feeds at the petting zoo have a correlation.
P.S. the Cannibals in question appear to be in blackface.
P.P.S. The original Babar story includes a mother being shot to death, a favorite uncle set on fire, a beloved teacher bitten by a cobra, and the angel of death visiting Babar when he sleeps. Thank goodness Alice doesn't know how to read.
I am trying to broaden Alice's understanding of the world as responsibly and gently as I can. I am leaning heavily on the maxim, WWFRD: What would Fred Rogers do? So I have been actively looking for books that tackle weighty issues.
Last week I came upon a book called "My Two Uncles" by Judith Vigna. This seemed like a good starting place. There aren't a lot of LGBT friendly books at our local library so I snapped it up. Of course I read it first and I came to this conclusion, while Judith Vigna is willing to tackle difficult material, she is a stone cold bummer.
Here are some other titles:
I Wish Daddy Didn't Drink So Much
My Big Sister Takes Drugs
Nobody Wants a Nuclear War
Saying Goodbye to Daddy
I'm hardly the only parent to remark on these books. Here is a post from the popular blog:
sweet juniper
I can't count the number of times I have read truncated versions of kid's books, quickly editing out the terrifying bits. Unfortunately kids can remember the exact wording you used last time the story was read and will complain if it changes.
Any suggestions for new books to try would be very much appreciated.
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
I think I may have inadvertently betrayed my personal trainer.
Her smile becomes brighter and scarier. “I thought we had an appointment on the 30th. I planned on calling you next week to confirm…”
I have disrupted The Plan.
Once officially in my thirties it occurred to me that I had moved up a weight class and wished to downgrade. In my mid-late 20’s I thought, “Well, I’ll just embrace arugula, maybe take up Krav Maga for kicks. The excess fat will take care of itself.”
Post-childbearing I know that this will never ever happen for me. A plan is required and specialists must be brought in at regular intervals.
So I joined a gym and signed up for the *free personal training sessions.
My trainer was a lady. Very nice. She asked me to do 4 days of cardio in the fat burning range and two days of weight training a week. “Oh,” she adds “If you really want to lose weight you should try this **Up-sell service we provide.”
I said, “No thank you. See you in a month”.
Two weeks in and I haven’t lost any weight but my clothes fit better and I look more action figure than sad lump. Happily I was given the chance to abandon my family for the gym very early this evening, when my husband gave the indication that he was up for parenting solo yet another night.
P.S. Tony, it’s been real nice being married to you for nine years.
Around 7:45 I am reaching the end of a long medium intensity session on an elliptical machine. I was trying to figure out how to make the machine engage my posterior to best effect, which sounds filthy but couldn’t be farther in the opposite direction. I suppose I must have been telegraphing my frustration because a man with a “trainer” tag on his t-shirt appeared at my side and asked me if I was angry about something.
What followed was an unsolicited lesson about the benefits of knowing your optimum heart rate range and some useful information about the importance of moving beyond a fat burning heart-rate so you can expend enough calories to lose weight. Mr. Trainer helped me figure out why I wasn’t getting the results I wanted, and he did it for free so I thanked him.
Then he suggested the **Up-sell service and I declined. So he went on to suggest it in greater detail and I declined. Then I got tired of talking and clumsily faux-cross country skiing so I tried to end this conversation. Mr. Trainer suggested to me a free service that he said all new gym folks are supposed to undergo, a fit-test or something. I said fine and he walked me back to the trainer desk…the scene of my betrayal.
Mr. Trainer gets on the computer and asks when I am free. I say, “Generally 8pm, possibly on Friday”. I have a toddler who needs my care during the day and a fledgling business that gets the remnants of my time at night. I am not thrilled about losing more valuable “me” time but the service is free and he says it will make my work more effective.
“Hey…you.” Says a lady voice. I look up and my female trainer is standing next to Mr. Trainer. She is smiling so pointedly that I feel I have been jabbed in the eyes.
What followed was an unfunny tedious version of “Who’s on first” with one trainer trying to schedule me for something and the other one trying to confirm that I was being confirmed for something that was had already been scheduled. It was like reading Saint Thomas Aquinas, but instead of searching for truth through reason he was trying to tone my butt and simultaneously snake another trainer’s commission.
Honestly I believe Mr. Trainer was embarrassed when he found out I already had a trainer and just didn’t know how to extricate himself from the mistake. I feel for him and I can intellectually understand the crazy eyes on my previous trainer, but the end result is this:
I lost about 40 minuets of rare exercise time being harassed about a service I don’t want and have repeatedly refused. Then I was addressed as if I had backed out on a commitment, when in reality I was just humoring a person that approached me with an unsolicited sales request masked as a helpful gesture.
Finally I had enough and told them I had to go get back to my kid.
Going to the gym at 8pm wreaks havoc with my sleep. On the plus side, all the trainers are off duty.
*See Membership contract under the subsection “Obvious Hidden Fees”
**This is a $150+ method of determining your perfect weight burning heart-rate. It requires; the purchase of an oxygen mask gadget, performed (and repurchased) every six months, AND is totally guaranteed to tell you everything you need to know about optimally reducing your own personal lard ass.
I have disrupted The Plan.
Once officially in my thirties it occurred to me that I had moved up a weight class and wished to downgrade. In my mid-late 20’s I thought, “Well, I’ll just embrace arugula, maybe take up Krav Maga for kicks. The excess fat will take care of itself.”
Post-childbearing I know that this will never ever happen for me. A plan is required and specialists must be brought in at regular intervals.
So I joined a gym and signed up for the *free personal training sessions.
My trainer was a lady. Very nice. She asked me to do 4 days of cardio in the fat burning range and two days of weight training a week. “Oh,” she adds “If you really want to lose weight you should try this **Up-sell service we provide.”
I said, “No thank you. See you in a month”.
Two weeks in and I haven’t lost any weight but my clothes fit better and I look more action figure than sad lump. Happily I was given the chance to abandon my family for the gym very early this evening, when my husband gave the indication that he was up for parenting solo yet another night.
P.S. Tony, it’s been real nice being married to you for nine years.
Around 7:45 I am reaching the end of a long medium intensity session on an elliptical machine. I was trying to figure out how to make the machine engage my posterior to best effect, which sounds filthy but couldn’t be farther in the opposite direction. I suppose I must have been telegraphing my frustration because a man with a “trainer” tag on his t-shirt appeared at my side and asked me if I was angry about something.
What followed was an unsolicited lesson about the benefits of knowing your optimum heart rate range and some useful information about the importance of moving beyond a fat burning heart-rate so you can expend enough calories to lose weight. Mr. Trainer helped me figure out why I wasn’t getting the results I wanted, and he did it for free so I thanked him.
Then he suggested the **Up-sell service and I declined. So he went on to suggest it in greater detail and I declined. Then I got tired of talking and clumsily faux-cross country skiing so I tried to end this conversation. Mr. Trainer suggested to me a free service that he said all new gym folks are supposed to undergo, a fit-test or something. I said fine and he walked me back to the trainer desk…the scene of my betrayal.
Mr. Trainer gets on the computer and asks when I am free. I say, “Generally 8pm, possibly on Friday”. I have a toddler who needs my care during the day and a fledgling business that gets the remnants of my time at night. I am not thrilled about losing more valuable “me” time but the service is free and he says it will make my work more effective.
“Hey…you.” Says a lady voice. I look up and my female trainer is standing next to Mr. Trainer. She is smiling so pointedly that I feel I have been jabbed in the eyes.
What followed was an unfunny tedious version of “Who’s on first” with one trainer trying to schedule me for something and the other one trying to confirm that I was being confirmed for something that was had already been scheduled. It was like reading Saint Thomas Aquinas, but instead of searching for truth through reason he was trying to tone my butt and simultaneously snake another trainer’s commission.
Honestly I believe Mr. Trainer was embarrassed when he found out I already had a trainer and just didn’t know how to extricate himself from the mistake. I feel for him and I can intellectually understand the crazy eyes on my previous trainer, but the end result is this:
I lost about 40 minuets of rare exercise time being harassed about a service I don’t want and have repeatedly refused. Then I was addressed as if I had backed out on a commitment, when in reality I was just humoring a person that approached me with an unsolicited sales request masked as a helpful gesture.
Finally I had enough and told them I had to go get back to my kid.
Going to the gym at 8pm wreaks havoc with my sleep. On the plus side, all the trainers are off duty.
*See Membership contract under the subsection “Obvious Hidden Fees”
**This is a $150+ method of determining your perfect weight burning heart-rate. It requires; the purchase of an oxygen mask gadget, performed (and repurchased) every six months, AND is totally guaranteed to tell you everything you need to know about optimally reducing your own personal lard ass.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
This was Christmas, it was awesome
We were lucky enough to snag two aunts, an uncle, two Grandmothers, and a Grandpa at our house this Christmas.
The adults all got stockings because that's how I roll.
One of my favorite treats came from the amazing Lux Bakery
I don't want to say Alice is spoiled in anyway but she received not one but two ponys.
In addition to a babydoll that she can bathe and one she can have when she is old enough not to break it.
We also posed for our first family holiday portrait. It went...as well as could be expected.
The adults all got stockings because that's how I roll.
One of my favorite treats came from the amazing Lux Bakery
I don't want to say Alice is spoiled in anyway but she received not one but two ponys.
In addition to a babydoll that she can bathe and one she can have when she is old enough not to break it.
We also posed for our first family holiday portrait. It went...as well as could be expected.
Oh 2010, you have gotten crazy on me.
We have had a nutball year thus far. Hence total silence on this blog. It all started a wee bit before the new year with a total kitchen renovation courtesy of my Mom. Back in the Fall of '09 when Mom found a 70% discount on a new dishwasher and in quick succession, a stove and set of cabinets (plus sink!) at considerable discounts.
Mom asked a friend who is a site superintendent to caravan with her to our house so we could gut the kitchen and rebuild it into it's current glory. This is the previous kitchen.
I will take a picture of the results as soon as we finish painting. It might take a while since we are going to be out of town for the next two weekends. 2010, continuing on the non-stop crazy train.
The kitchen required about a thousand visits to IKEA (thanks Mom!). There were two sessions of all night driving for Mom and Dennis. The cabinets refused to fit until a stud was exposed and shaved down. Tony learned to drywall and our neighbor Charles offered the use of his table saw to cut our new countertops (thanks again Mom!) to size. It was a pretty big project for just a few people all taking place the day before Christmas.
Now that it is all done I don't know how I lived without a fully functional kitchen. Especially nice are the new GFCI outlets that prevent me from electrocuting myself and burning down the house. One more time with feeling: Thanks Mom!
Mom asked a friend who is a site superintendent to caravan with her to our house so we could gut the kitchen and rebuild it into it's current glory. This is the previous kitchen.
I will take a picture of the results as soon as we finish painting. It might take a while since we are going to be out of town for the next two weekends. 2010, continuing on the non-stop crazy train.
The kitchen required about a thousand visits to IKEA (thanks Mom!). There were two sessions of all night driving for Mom and Dennis. The cabinets refused to fit until a stud was exposed and shaved down. Tony learned to drywall and our neighbor Charles offered the use of his table saw to cut our new countertops (thanks again Mom!) to size. It was a pretty big project for just a few people all taking place the day before Christmas.
Now that it is all done I don't know how I lived without a fully functional kitchen. Especially nice are the new GFCI outlets that prevent me from electrocuting myself and burning down the house. One more time with feeling: Thanks Mom!
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Bluebird Poster
I was compiling some portfolio pieces today for an illustration bid and I came across this poster I made for a college dormitory.
The seed of this poster idea came from my time as a Camp Fire Girl, where I gained the rank of "Bluebird". I attained this distinction by being over six years old when I joined.
The manual we were given focused on the worth of home and social skills with the "Blue Bird of Happiness" used as a metaphor. The specific content of the manual and the program remains fuzzy in my memory.
Ruminating on this mythical bird, it occurred to me that there should be more than one incarnation of the bluebird. Though happiness is a laudable state, perhaps there should be a bird or two that could reflect the particular states of the freshman college student.
The seed of this poster idea came from my time as a Camp Fire Girl, where I gained the rank of "Bluebird". I attained this distinction by being over six years old when I joined.
The manual we were given focused on the worth of home and social skills with the "Blue Bird of Happiness" used as a metaphor. The specific content of the manual and the program remains fuzzy in my memory.
Ruminating on this mythical bird, it occurred to me that there should be more than one incarnation of the bluebird. Though happiness is a laudable state, perhaps there should be a bird or two that could reflect the particular states of the freshman college student.
Monday, November 9, 2009
Repeat Performance
Alice is asleep right now so I have a moment to note that yesterday's successful use of the potty was not a fluke! She requested use of the facilities again this morning and went through the whole process without a hitch. I have a book that is called "Potty Train your Child in One Day", but I confess that I never actually read the book.
Maybe Alice read it?
Maybe Alice read it?
Banner Day
We used the potty.
Not me, or Tony, or the cat (though that would have been notable). Alice told her dad during tonight's bath that she needed to use the facilities. She hopped out and was as good as her word. Much rejoicing, the end of diapers is nigh!
Not me, or Tony, or the cat (though that would have been notable). Alice told her dad during tonight's bath that she needed to use the facilities. She hopped out and was as good as her word. Much rejoicing, the end of diapers is nigh!
Friday, November 6, 2009
Following Leanne's example
Our excellent buddy Leanne showed me how to cover unrecoverable stains on Alice's clothes with fabric paint in her great blog Kindred Design
Here is a previously blueberry stained onsie, modeled by the little lady:
Alice will point out the details:
I used a poppy pattern that I originally made for Alice's baptism announcement:
This method will salvage quite a few outfits, so my thanks go out to Leanne and her excellent crafty blog.
Here is a previously blueberry stained onsie, modeled by the little lady:
Alice will point out the details:
I used a poppy pattern that I originally made for Alice's baptism announcement:
This method will salvage quite a few outfits, so my thanks go out to Leanne and her excellent crafty blog.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Ate a cheese sandwich at the Capital
A five dollar "gourmet" cheese sandwich from a vendor at the Texas Book Fair (seen behind Alice)
Of course the lady needed a little drinky-drink to go with her sa-mich:
Then she needs to break it down to the smooth tunes of a high school kettle drum band:
Good Times
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Trick or Treat Ya'll!
We ventured forth and met our Texan neighbors for the first time after about a year of living as total hermits in this house. We were invited to a party on the fly and were graciously offered hotdogs and the chance to tag along with the neighborhood kids on the trick or treat parade. Alice met some of the neighborhood dogs and proudly told them that they were in fact "doggies" multiple times.
Here we are setting forth:
I finally got a candle in the jack-o-lantern and here it is in all it's Achewood-y glory.
Right now Alice is sleeping and Tony and I are pillaging her candy. I am eating a watermelon Jolly Rancher. In the late 80's, horror movies were all the rage, and every sleep-over I attended as a teen included a slasher flick and watermelon Jolly Ranchers as snacks. So I associate the two together; it's actually a little revolting. I think I will steal the chocolate Tony is currently enjoying.
Happy Halloween!
Here we are setting forth:
I finally got a candle in the jack-o-lantern and here it is in all it's Achewood-y glory.
Right now Alice is sleeping and Tony and I are pillaging her candy. I am eating a watermelon Jolly Rancher. In the late 80's, horror movies were all the rage, and every sleep-over I attended as a teen included a slasher flick and watermelon Jolly Ranchers as snacks. So I associate the two together; it's actually a little revolting. I think I will steal the chocolate Tony is currently enjoying.
Happy Halloween!
Halloween 09
Initially Alice was not in a Halloween mood tonight.
But things perked up after some pumpkin carving. Mommy destroyed a few household tools to make a messy "Achewood" style pumpkin (better photos will be displayed after it gets dark).
Achewood is a comic about cats which was appropriate as Alice decided to go out on the town as a kitty cat.
Alice tried to get the actual cat to accept her as one of his own with pumpkin offerings:
Kitty was having none of it:
Until she brought out the big guns:
I don't know how much trick or treating we are going to do, as it is pretty obvious that Alice is too young to actually eat much candy. She is clearly our candy lure. That might not be a bad Halloween onsie "Candy Lure".
Anywho she is cute as all get out and is actually aware of what is happening, unlike last year when she was bedecked in all sorts of costume madness. Thanks to Grammy for getting the kitty cat duds!
P.S. This is our only concession to Halloween decoration. Perhaps the trick or treaters won't shun us this year.
But things perked up after some pumpkin carving. Mommy destroyed a few household tools to make a messy "Achewood" style pumpkin (better photos will be displayed after it gets dark).
Achewood is a comic about cats which was appropriate as Alice decided to go out on the town as a kitty cat.
Alice tried to get the actual cat to accept her as one of his own with pumpkin offerings:
Kitty was having none of it:
Until she brought out the big guns:
I don't know how much trick or treating we are going to do, as it is pretty obvious that Alice is too young to actually eat much candy. She is clearly our candy lure. That might not be a bad Halloween onsie "Candy Lure".
Anywho she is cute as all get out and is actually aware of what is happening, unlike last year when she was bedecked in all sorts of costume madness. Thanks to Grammy for getting the kitty cat duds!
P.S. This is our only concession to Halloween decoration. Perhaps the trick or treaters won't shun us this year.
Monday, October 26, 2009
New Shoes
Grammy purchased some shiny shoes for a certain granddaughter who insists that Mr. Bear be fashionably attired at all times. The shoes are a little big for the kid, so this works out fine.
Alice's new favorite word: Pumpkin
Sorry to all Grandparents that I have been so long in updating the blog. It has been a crazy month of work and I am just now coming up for air.
We finally started doing seasonal kid stuff with Alice, for instance here is our first visit to a Pumpkin Patch.
Side Story: Tony lifted Alice's bum up to my nose while we were looking at the pumpkins and asked if she needed a change. Right on cue Alice...broke wind. Tony found this more than a little hilarious:
We finally started doing seasonal kid stuff with Alice, for instance here is our first visit to a Pumpkin Patch.
Side Story: Tony lifted Alice's bum up to my nose while we were looking at the pumpkins and asked if she needed a change. Right on cue Alice...broke wind. Tony found this more than a little hilarious:
Toddler Milestone
Today was a monumental day. Alice will be 16 months old tomorrow and a whopping 2 feet 9 inches. I learned her height this afternoon, because 2'9" is how tall a toddler needs to be to reach the garage door handle, and lock Mommy out of the house.
Thank you to neighbor Charles for lending me a phone to call Tony and a pair of flip-flops as I was barefoot.
Thank you to my Father-in-law Mike for the UD windbreaker he gave me a few years ago. I was grateful to find it in the garage, as it was raining buckets.
Thank you to Alice for not pulling the laptop on her head, or setting fire to the cat, or any other disaster while I was trapped outside.
Thank you to Tony for running home to rescue us and unfortunately pulling a muscle along the way!
Thank you to neighbor Charles for lending me a phone to call Tony and a pair of flip-flops as I was barefoot.
Thank you to my Father-in-law Mike for the UD windbreaker he gave me a few years ago. I was grateful to find it in the garage, as it was raining buckets.
Thank you to Alice for not pulling the laptop on her head, or setting fire to the cat, or any other disaster while I was trapped outside.
Thank you to Tony for running home to rescue us and unfortunately pulling a muscle along the way!
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Houston
We just returned from an excellent weekend in Houston visiting Aunt Karen, Uncle Toby, Cousin Andy, Cousin Marilyn, and as a special bonus Uncle Mike. The trip has left Alice reeling with delight. She literally played herself to exhaustion every night and was then wired for hours after a quick nap. It was such fun seeing all the kids playing together now that they are old enough to acknowledge each other's presence.
Andy was especially good at dolling out hugs to the younger two. Marilyn was pretty chill considering that Alice was ransacking the toybox. Marilyn, by the way, is fearless on the playground. We visited a huge kid gym/coffee house and watched Marilyn run a baby obstacle course maybe seventy-four times. Conservative estimate.
Alice was blasted by that time and just wanted to hug me and moan. Though Alice did at the end drag herself up the padded incline to the top of the slide and called down "Hi" to all of us on the ground. She seemed to be stuck, and Marilyn tried to climb up and save her cousin but fell asleep halfway to the top. Ultimately Alice did her first solo slide to much applause from the gathered relatives and tiny snores from Marilyn.
We also attended a BBQ hosted by our good friends Cathleen and Daniel who lived in Chicago with us for many years. Their house is a bit of a kid wonderland with everything from complete model train sets to fully stocked kid kitchens. Alice even got to taste her first lollypop courtesy of Cathleen. The pops were made from organic juice of all things! We also saw our friends Dave and Bethany with their lovely daughter Violet. I didn't have my camera but Cathleen sweetly took some great shots and sent me copies. You can see all the kids here except for Andy and Marilyn who needed to hit the road as they had a long drive home.
Andy was especially good at dolling out hugs to the younger two. Marilyn was pretty chill considering that Alice was ransacking the toybox. Marilyn, by the way, is fearless on the playground. We visited a huge kid gym/coffee house and watched Marilyn run a baby obstacle course maybe seventy-four times. Conservative estimate.
Alice was blasted by that time and just wanted to hug me and moan. Though Alice did at the end drag herself up the padded incline to the top of the slide and called down "Hi" to all of us on the ground. She seemed to be stuck, and Marilyn tried to climb up and save her cousin but fell asleep halfway to the top. Ultimately Alice did her first solo slide to much applause from the gathered relatives and tiny snores from Marilyn.
We also attended a BBQ hosted by our good friends Cathleen and Daniel who lived in Chicago with us for many years. Their house is a bit of a kid wonderland with everything from complete model train sets to fully stocked kid kitchens. Alice even got to taste her first lollypop courtesy of Cathleen. The pops were made from organic juice of all things! We also saw our friends Dave and Bethany with their lovely daughter Violet. I didn't have my camera but Cathleen sweetly took some great shots and sent me copies. You can see all the kids here except for Andy and Marilyn who needed to hit the road as they had a long drive home.
Alice decided to try out the Ergo
Imagine my heart melting when I saw Alice walking this bear to sleep. Erik and Nicole might recognize the bear.
Reading is fundamental
Ten erie minuets of silence had me worried. I hadn't been dragged into a game of trucks or climbed like a breathing jungle gym in ages. So I peek around the corner and see this
She just kept "reading" her magazine until I finished my work.
She just kept "reading" her magazine until I finished my work.
text message sent to Tony at 11am.
Your daughter just shut herself in the office and barred the door by sliding the window screen box between the door and the cat tree. I came around the bathroom side and got her out but you should be proud that she can at least partially barricade a room from Zombies at 1 year of age.
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Brave New Cell Phone
After a decade of middling to minuscule customer service we have abandoned Sprint as our cell phone carrier and switched to Credo.
The service and price is the same but Credo gives a portion of it's profits to worthy causes and they offered us a month of free text messaging. The purpose of this post is to let our loved ones know that my cell phone number is back online (as Alice melted my old phone in a rampaging river of drool) and that we are now part of the texting world.
Anyone who knows us and likes to send messages on the fly have already been warned that we are cheap, technologically stunted, and thus have never been accepting of friendly missives via phone. I used to cringe when a lovely message such as, "Happy New Year dear friend!" would appear on my screen and grouse about the $2 Sprint just pulled out of my pocket.
I have never been a particularly tech savy individual (as seen: here)
But this is a new day! We are throwing ourselves into the "I can send an email while driving" world thumbs first...for a month.
The service and price is the same but Credo gives a portion of it's profits to worthy causes and they offered us a month of free text messaging. The purpose of this post is to let our loved ones know that my cell phone number is back online (as Alice melted my old phone in a rampaging river of drool) and that we are now part of the texting world.
Anyone who knows us and likes to send messages on the fly have already been warned that we are cheap, technologically stunted, and thus have never been accepting of friendly missives via phone. I used to cringe when a lovely message such as, "Happy New Year dear friend!" would appear on my screen and grouse about the $2 Sprint just pulled out of my pocket.
I have never been a particularly tech savy individual (as seen: here)
But this is a new day! We are throwing ourselves into the "I can send an email while driving" world thumbs first...for a month.
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